Saturday, February 27, 2010

Trailors of the Dread: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010

I never wanted to begin my post this way, but jeesh:

A CGI FREDDY COMING THROUGH THE WALL?!?!? WHAT?!!? How is this possible?! This is absolutely ridiculous to the point of being absurd!! Sorry folks, I just can't stand it any longer. I mean, seriously, how freakin difficult would it have been to build a wall similar to that of the original out of latex?! WHERE IS THE MAGIC PEOPLE!!! WHERE IS THE MOVIE MAGIC WE'VE ALL BEEN EXPECTING?! I must admit that I was semi excited about seeing this film but now after seeing this new trailer I'm just emasculated to be honest. And why the hell is his voice different in two different scenes?! His face looks different in several scenes as well. A lot of people bashed the voice from the first trailer but I definitely prefer that one to this new Christian Bale Batman era crud. Here's an idea, WHY CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT THE VOICE AT ALL? Why not keep it normal? If anything keep the effects to a minimum so he doesn't sound like someone who has a frog in his throat. I guess the new menacing little ditty these days is to deepen the voice using a little method I like to call CGA (Computer Generated Audio). Pretty soon we won't need actors anymore, just computers. Ahhhh, wouldn't that be the life?

I'm so tired of these movies. I'm tired my friends but yet...I still go and see them no matter what. Why? Because of faith. Faith that I might be proven wrong. Faith that what I see on screen will be pleasing, hilarious, gruesome and horrific. Faith that Michael Bay really DOES have a giant groin and isn't compensating for anything with his EPIC celluloid. Faith that someone will remake a movie like Carpenter did with THE THING or Adam Sandler with CLICK. Faith that the horror genre is moving in a completely different direction than it is now. Or just faith in general that somebody in Hollywood will hire some people who actually DO love horror movies. I'm sorry people, you just don't ask someone who has been directing music videos to remake A Nightmare on Elm Street; you just DON'T!

It's bed time now. All that I ask is for Robert Englund and Jackie Earl Haley to meet up with me for a crazy game of connect four. Maybe afterward we can build a bonfire and tell ghost stories together.

Sounds ideal to me.

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